Let me start off with a disclaimer that this topic isn't easy for me to blog about anymore because it's getting more personal than I anticipated. That said, I need to continue because continuing this blog is a commitment I made at the start of my first semester in my PhD program. I don't give up.
I didn't anticipate this much struggle in the transition but I'm at peace with this now that this early stage. I've gone through a lot worse and have seen the light at the end of the tunnel before. I really am a person who sees strength and beauty in vulnerability and struggle so I'm willing to take the plunge. The fact is that not everyone graduates in their PhD program, especially at an R.1 institution, and I'm motivated to allow this to be an impetus for my growth.
It's no secret that my adjustment Georgia, Athens and the MFT program has been quite bumpy . I'm realizing that I'm going to have to play catch-up for a while until I become more settled and confident in my scholarly abilities. My sense is that most of my colleagues have more training and background in academic rigor and overall development as scholar at this early stage in the program. Regarding the topic of my blog, it's time to move toward Ontological Mode of Being by mastering Everyday Mode of Being, that is establishing myself as competent and more than able to contribute originally to my colleagues and professors. This is largely about demonstrating that I belong to do be in this program, not only to everyone in the program, but to myself. I'm ready to go all-in.
The past is the greatest predictor of the future; I think I can do it because I've overcome larger obstacles before. I'm excited to let this experience help me grow.
Jason,
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you for sharing this post, and the post that you shared last week, I know it is not easy to share with others feelings that are hard. I want to challenge you that you can still be ontological in the midst of every day mode- just because some of the academia stuff requires the pedal to the medal does not mean you cannot find the best way to do it for you. I think that you will find your stride in time. It took me a while to feel fully settled and like I had found mine. Just think of how great it will feel to say that you are not a first year, but a second year! That felt like a great milestone for me.
Does it feel like ontological being doesn't fit with being on top of things and scholarly growth? I would argue that ontological mode could only help you in these pursuits, but then again, maybe I'm not fully understanding what ontological mode means. How do you see mastering everyday mode as being helpful?
ReplyDeleteGood point. Mastering Everyday Mode is totally part of it. I covered that in my next post. Thanks Ash!
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